I left NYC and moved to Serbia after a painful divorce. Dating here feels impossible, and I should’ve considered these 4 things before leaving the US.

• Katka Lapelosová moved to Serbia in October 2020 after her divorce.
• Lapelosová doesn’t plan on staying and wishes she would’ve been more patient before moving.
• She says she’ll likely have to move away if she wants to have a healthy relationship again.

I’m a born and raised New Yorker with Slavic roots, but living abroad has been a dream of mine ever since 2008 — when I studied abroad in Prague. After I returned to the US, I earned a master’s degree to teach English as a second language, preparing to make my dream a reality. Then I fell in love with my best friend from high school, who had never left Long Island, and everything changed.

Our nearly 10-year relationship was fantastic and filled with many wonderful memories including a few trips to Europe. Each time we came back to the US, I’d raise the question of moving abroad together. But my then-husband wasn’t a big fan of the idea based on his resistance to change.

As we got older, it became clear that our values and what we wanted out of a future together was vastly different. Eventually, we decided to divorce in January 2020, a painful but necessary decision that allowed us to create our ideal lives apart.

I felt like I had a second chance to live out my dreams, and later that year I permanently moved to Serbia. Though I don’t want to stay here anymore, I’m grateful for the experiences.

Serbia really surprised me and moving here has been interesting

Courtesy of Katka Lapelosová

Initially, in March 2020, I booked a one-way ticket to Prague only to have it canceled when the coronavirus pandemic completely shut down access to countries in the EU. I was devastated when my trip was canceled, but Serbia — a nearby country in the Balkans — was still allowing foreign travelers to visit.

I’d never been to Serbia before, and was pretty ignorant of the history and culture. I didn’t speak Serbian at all, and only knew that a “really bad war” had happened there during the 1990s. I also knew they had a lot of great basketball and tennis players. In October 2020, I booked a 3-week holiday to check it out.

Once I landed, I spent time driving around the country and saw the Serbian countryside was so beautiful, but Belgrade — the capital — surprised me the most. I wasn’t sure if it’d be super run down from the war or if the residents would be resentful that I was American, but everyone I spoke to was incredibly kind, generous, and curious.

Since I liked Belgrade so much, and it was a short distance from the rest of the EU, I bought a 250-square-foot apartment in one of the most popular areas for roughly $50,000. I gut-renovated the entire thing and it’s where I’ve been living ever since.

So far, moving to Europe after my divorce has been very interesting. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my life is more of how I envisioned it before I got married, but there are definitely some things I’d have changed if I could do it all again.

I wish I would’ve researched the Serbian dating scene

Courtesy of Katka Lapelosová

I’ve dated people in the UK, Italy, Spain, Greece, Slovakia, and more, and never found it to be an issue. But I’ve never actually had a relationship while living in Serbia — not even close. My experiences dating in Serbia have been dramatically different, and I really took for granted how that might affect my life.

Elsewhere in the world, men are usually fascinated by my academic and career achievements, how much I’ve traveled, and my ambitions overall. In Serbia, men talk at me and when I try to engage in a conversation, they either ignore me or say I talk too much. As a New Yorker, I’m not used to this.

Men have outright called me fat on dates and some neighbors tell me I could get a boyfriend if I lost more weight or wore nicer clothes. These kinds of experiences and words have not been said to me elsewhere in Europe since I’ve been here.

Courtesy of Katka Lapelosová

Most of the locals I know tend to date within their close inner circles, and many are set up through family members, as family approval seems extremely important.

I spent a lot of tear-filled nights talking to my Serb friends about what was “wrong” with me. They adore me and support me, but they also can see that I’m not in line with many of their cultural standards, and that makes it much harder to date.

Despite all of this, I’ve been approached by plenty of married men, some of whom are even husbands of women in my social circle. I’m coming to terms with realizing it’s not a great cultural fit, and that I’ll likely have to move away if I want to have a healthy relationship again.

I should’ve considered family and friends when deciding where to move

Courtesy of Katka Lapelosová

While I love living abroad, it can definitely get lonely, and I still get homesick. I was really looking forward to hosting family and friends as soon as pandemic restrictions had lifted. While my loved ones do their best to support my postdivorce life abroad, only one close friend has visited me. He had a great time, but it’s a big bummer not to have gotten more visitors, considering I’ve been living here for over three years.

Belgrade has a direct flight from New York City, where most of my family members and friends live, but the destination doesn’t seem as appealing to them as Paris or Barcelona might be. No one has given me a solid reason for not visiting, but a lot of them also still associate Serbia with negative stereotypes — like gangsters or criminals. Some even think I live in Siberia or Syria; I’ve found that most people are just really bad at geography.

I should’ve rented an apartment before deciding to buy

Courtesy of Katka Lapelosová

I was so determined to finally achieve my dream of home ownership that I figured I was ready to bypass the rental experience, but after three years in Serbia I feel kind of “stuck.” I don’t want to stay here anymore, but I also don’t have a home base back in the US. For now I have to stay until I can figure out a more solid relocation plan, and even then I have to figure out what I’ll do with my apartment.

Rent and other expenses in Belgrade are much lower compared to elsewhere in Europe. If I had paused on buying an apartment, I could’ve rented a really nice place back then for around $400 to $600 a month and still saved money for my dream home. I pay about $32 a month for electricity, water, building maintenance, and my internet and phone bill.

I got an extremely good deal on my apartment in Belgrade , but I know renting would’ve allowed me more freedom to explore other neighborhoods and maybe even other countries before choosing where to settle.

I should’ve been more patient and done more research

Courtesy of Katka Lapelosová

As a digital nomad, I’ve considered moving elsewhere since progress on my life goals like being part of a healthy relationship, starting a family, and progressing in my career have plateaued in Belgrade. I’m even looking into a work visa to get me back to Prague, which I qualify for, but I still have to take my Serbian property into consideration.

Serbia provides residency visas based on property ownership, but most countries in Europe don’t have the same policy. Without a legal reason to stay, I can only live in the EU for up to 90 days, based on Schengen laws.

Really, the biggest change I wish I had made was having more patience. Croatia opened up its one-year digital nomad visa program in January 2021, so if I had waited a few more months, I could’ve taken advantage of it. Other EU countries, like Malta and Greece, soon followed. I connect with these areas much more than I do Serbia, since I’ve had better dating experiences in these countries.

I know I’ll reach my post-divorce goals and my European dream-life some day. While things in Belgrade haven’t turned out exactly the way I planned, I do think everything happens for a reason and that moving there after my divorce is exactly what I needed to do.

November 17, 2023: This story was updated to remove a generalization about gender roles in Serbia and to clarify how the author’s dating experiences informed some of her other observations.