Love or exploitation? The passport bros debate and why men are leaving home in search of wives | Life

• You may be wondering what the “passport bros” phenomenon is about since social media has been littered with posts about it over the last few months.
• The term refers to men who go out of their countries to seek love and marriage from women they consider more traditional, respectful and wifely from parts of Africa (including South Africa), Europe and Asia, among other places.
• While some social media posts about the phenomenon are light-hearted and fun, others range from confrontational to accusatory and distasteful.

TV shows such as TLC’s 90 Day Fiancé have popularised the idea of cross-border marriage or passport bros, as social media terms it.

“Passport bros” is a term used to describe men who seek romantic relationships or marriage with women from other countries, primarily because they say they are unable to find women of their calibre or similar moral values in their own countries.

The phenomenon is not new but it has gained more attention in recent years, primarily because of heightened social media use. 

While some people genuinely fall in love with someone from another country, others specifically target foreign women to ensure they have a submissive partner at their beck and call.

Many men and women from around the world, and the US particularly, have been vocal about the trend on social media, getting into loggerheads about the reasons behind it.

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Although the contentious issue has been a controversial topic for many years, it has recently been amplified on social media. So, experts and researchers have even studied it.

A study titled Trading Youth for Citizenship? The Spousal Age Gap in Cross-Border Marriages, published in the National Library of Medicine, notes that marriages between partners of different nationalities are often characterised by a pattern in which men from wealthier countries, after dating for a short period, marry women from less-developed countries.

The researchers provide “evidence that immigrants who migrate to the US after marrying a US citizen, particularly women, tend to be partnered with much older spouses, signalling an exchange of youth for citizenship”.

Typically, the women are about seven years younger than their spouses. 

One of the most interesting findings is that status exchanges take place for both men and women in such relationships.

“Once she (the immigrant woman) is in the US, the exchange becomes less pronounced but is still substantial. The opposite holds for men. We find evidence that non-citizen men who marry a woman with citizenship either prior to or upon arrival in the US are closer in age to their spouses than their counterparts who marry non-citizens,” say the researchers.

Self-confessed passport bros, particularly from the US, regularly deny that they have sinister motives for seeking wives in other countries.

One man on TikTok says: “Many of these men who are choosing to travel are traditional men who want some traditional women and who want nothing to do with modern women and their feminist ideologies and mindset. Instead, these men are choosing to go to other countries to meet women who understand what it means to be a wife, women who are feminine, submissive and not combative.”   

“Men view women in two ways, you’re either an asset or a liability, and when it comes to the modern woman’s mindset, it’s a liability.”

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On the contrary, many women, have called out the men for going to such lengths to find wives.

One American woman on TikTok argues: “Women do not have a problem with passport bros. We have a problem with the reason. To go over there is to take advantage of women who are not financially stable. You’re going over there to find somebody who’s going to treat you like a king in all your mediocrity.”

Another woman says: “You should feel slimy and disgusting as a person, knowing full well that you are going to another country seeking out women you perceive as easier to manipulate, easier to control and easier to take advantage of, and even if you find some poor woman [who] needs a green card and wants to move to the US or needs money, that’s still not love.”

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One American woman, Anne Tann, who has lived in the Philippines and is married to a man from another country, sums up some of her observations about cross-border marriages.

“Most Filipino women who are dating foreigners know English very well. They’re smart and not uneducated. They know their expectations of what a possible marriage might entail,” she says, adding that her point of concern is that some passport bros are predators, aggressive and controlling. She also says many seem very hurt and jaded towards American women. 

“Sometimes that foreign spouse is isolated and doesn’t have a perfect connection, so if anything were to be bad or if they would need any help, I’m just worried that some people might not have the resources to get the appropriate help or support or community they need,” Tann says.

A research article published in SAGE Journals confirms Anne’s concerns.

“Cross-border marriages have been found to be associated with domestic violence due to the migration experiences of the couples concerned and the stress experienced before, during, and after migration, despite local and international legislation on domestic violence,” the article states.

The article lists immigration status, citizenship, culture, language barrier, diversity/intersectionality, age, and economic dependence as risk factors for domestic violence, which leads to effects such as divorce or separation, racism, loneliness, loss of identity and inheritance, stigma, abandonment, and discrimination. 

The researchers further suggest that “legislation on domestic violence should be amended to include a definition of the rights of immigrant women, and the plight of cross-border wives, which should be protected.”

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On Quora, Paula Arce raises serious concerns about passport bros, saying: “It’s just a new name for a sad tradition upheld by misogynists. It’s seeking a mail-order bride with extra steps. The same old game of men seeking underprivileged, marginalised women to abuse is a tale as old as time, a song as old as a rhyme. My only concern, as back then, is for the safety of the marginalised. Otherwise, follow your bliss.”