3 Black Women Explorers Share Their Experiences On Hookup Culture While Traveling Abroad | Essence

As a single Black woman who loves exploring, I’ve met many people worldwide who have become friends and lovers. I’ve traveled to over 50 cities across 15 different countries and have called New York, Rome, Playa del Carmen, and London “home” at some point. I used to travel primarily with friends, but with shifting priorities and growing responsibilities, I’ve found myself traveling alone more often—which means I meet men more often. 

According to The Black Traveler: Insights, Opportunities & Priorities, Black U.S. leisure travelers spent $109.4 billion on travel, which means, Black travel is on the rise. Black women, in particular, are visibly traveling more than ever, solo and with friends. We’re lowering our inhibitions, trying different experiences, meeting new friends, and possibly having fun with new lovers.

Although more of us are filling up our passports, Black American women still draw attention internationally, especially in countries where people may not look like you or speak the same language. People come up and talk to me simply because I’m dark-skinned, I speak American English, and I’m an able-bodied woman who is by herself. Some rendezvous have ended with a kiss, and some have ended with a new boyfriend, but they’ve made great stories and bloomed in unexpected places.

Dabbling in casual relationships while traveling abroad can be thrilling. Pair being in a new, foreign place where no one knows your name with attractive locals (or other tourists!), and you have the winning formula for starting a fun travel affair.

Typically in the U.S., staying emotionally unattached is key to a successful hook-up; however, language barriers, cultural practices, and expectations open a new can of casual fun worms abroad. In Dubai, you can kiss someone in public, but in Las Vegas, you can legally get married to someone you met just an hour ago.
So how do you navigate casually dating abroad? Keep reading for tips and first-hand experiences from other travelers on how to get out of your head and into some fun while dating internationally. Perhaps, you’ll create your own memorable hookup stories. 

Be Open   

At times whimsical, deep-seated cliches deter some women from jumping into the dating abroad pool. It’s common to question why a man is approaching you, but the reason may not always be what you assume. Regine of (@reginebridgesthegap), an international Black dance expatriate and travel influencer, shares, “As someone who travels, not every man you meet just wants a green card; some guys just want an experience—just like you do. I find it interesting [when some] Black American women go abroad and meet men, their first thought is that they’re being used. No, some men just like pretty women. It is possible to have a platonic, intimate relationship with someone abroad. It might also mean they may never call you again.” 

Of course, safety comes first, but don’t play it so safe that you miss out.

Be Upfront With What You’re Looking For

Maybe you’re a nomad constantly on the move with no time for a settled relationship. If this is the case, be upfront and honest with your intentions.

While I lived in Playa del Carmen, I met men traveling into town for the weekend and men who lived there long-term. One day while walking down one of the local streets, I met someone who was in town for a bachelor party. We hit it off, and he invited me out with his friends. I met them at their lush private villa, and we party-hopped from club to club. We hung out all night, and the next day he returned to the U.S. I had fun and moved on, and I thought he did too. However, he kept texting me – nonstop. He wanted to date me and fly me back to the U.S. to visit him, but that wasn’t what I was looking for, and I made that clear. Communicating, being upfront, and sticking to your boundaries are essential.  

You Might Unexpectedly Get Boo’d Up  

Even with our best efforts to keep our strings unattached, if you’ve watched just one episode of 90 Day Fiance, you know how easy it is to fall in love while unexpectedly in another country. 

Justine Mfulama (@justinemfulama), a Congolese digital nomad and entrepreneur born in Germany, shared her experience with meeting someone while casually dating abroad who ended up becoming her partner:

“Many Black male digital nomads are traveling to meet local women, so they weren’t my dating pool. And the local men often didn’t seem interested. So, I was left with two choices. Casually date tourists or date outside of my race and find love internationally. I opted to date casually for a while until I met my now boyfriend.”

Hinge and other online dating apps offer a “passport feature,” allowing you to swipe in other cities or countries. It’s perfect for people like me who travel and want to connect with potential dates.

You didn’t travel so far away from your home, not to meet new people. Keep an open mind, be upfront, and you may meet someone who wants more. The beauty of traveling is embracing the unknown and being open to experiences you may not be used to. So go forth and connect!